Close to you

I don't even know where to begin to describe this week. It's just been so overwhelming, and not necessarily in solely good or bad ways. Someone asked me the other day when my birthday was, and it just made me feel so...young when I realized that my next birthday is coming up in a month. I don't know why, but I've always felt older than I actually am. At this rate, I'm going to be turning into that cranky little old lady wearing two toned Chanel ballet flats and glaring at people who laugh too loud in public areas.

We were semifinalists in debate this last weekend, and I may or may not have excessively humblebragged about it. Honestly though, I expected our good luck to have run out by now. My partner and I sure as hell don't deserve it: we never even work at it or try too hard. Maybe it's because I'm just a little bit scared to succeed, after all of this time and struggle of hardly ever succeeding. Even though it's a little bit justified to have bragging rights now, I can't get over the fact that I used to suck. Deep down, it makes me feel like I have and always will suck at debate, and that right now my debate life is twisted. I'm not good, and I'm not good enough.

School's been alright, and not that stressful. I had to make up an APUSH unit test from Friday on Tuesday, and then I just had the semester final yesterday, so I spent a lot of time this week studying for history. I have a physics test and a Spanish test this upcoming week, but at least I have a three day weekend sans debate tournament to study for them. (Our coach only took competitors in certain events because of budget reasons)

One of my best friends has been going through a tough time in the last few days, and it's been hard for her. It's affected a lot of the people around me too, including myself, and I'm really worried about her. A, I know you read this blog sometimes, and even though I know I suck at making people feel better, I'm here if you need me. And to the rest of you, I'm here if you need someone to rant to or talk to too.

I know how much it sucks sometimes when you just want someone to talk to, but you don't know who to turn to because everybody else is absorbed in their own lives. (Why do you think I talk to the internet? I'm just kidding. Sort of. You know, I realized that when most people say "just kidding," they mean it, at least to a certain extent. Otherwise, why would they have said it to begin with?) So, because I'm here, on the internet, talking to the internet because I need a place to get things off of my chest too, I might as well say that however hectic everything else around me seems to be right now, yesterday still made me laugh and smile.

Let's be friends and go on an adventure again.

xoxo, vivian