Stop the clock

I only wish I look like Zhang Ziyi. I've been told I look like her since I was eight. Do you see any resemblance?

Have I mentioned lately how stressful junior year has been? I wish I had more time to blog, to study, to rest, to stop, and to do...nothing. But I can't stop--once this is in motion, any attempt to stop would throw me off balance, and getting back on would be infinitely harder than if I didn't try to stop to begin with.

(Yeah...that was my attempt at poetically explaining why I haven't been blogging with my usual frequency as of late.)

(I probably should be studying instead of blogging right now, actually, considering the number of tests I have in the next seventy two hours...but I think I'd go insane if I don't blog. It's become so deeply ingrained into my system that I start to need to. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not...)

I'm running the debate Secret Santa again this year; I don't know if I'm going to do it next year though--I find that I have some pretty terrible luck when I'm the one organizing the thing, like having the person who draws me not showing up until it's over, or having the person say he/she won't be able to come...(I'm pretty sure there was something grammatically incorrect about that sentence, but at this point, I don't really care.) (And yes, I know I sound incredibly selfish for someone who doesn't even really technically celebrate holidays, but still. It's the idea of getting a physical present when everybody else gets one that counts.)

And speaking of debate--I judged this weekend at Auburn-Riverside, like I did last year. My outfits this year were pretty generic: American Apparel hoodie, J.Crew sequined tank, bootcut jeans and black bow flats on Friday and Abercrombie & Fitch ruffle top, magenta-ish cardigan and Citizens of Humanity dark wash jeans, rose pink scarf and the same black bow flats on Saturday. It was nice to take a break (ha--who am I to talk about taking breaks from debate? I've competed at two tournaments this entire season! That's practically nothing.) It was a pretty amusing weekend though. Especially when the novices are saying things like, "the 9/11 bombings were because the Muslims hated the Jews, right?" It even beats the time when I was accused of being politically clueless (yes, this has happened).

Another thing that's sort of relevant but not really: I wrote these letters a while back, each "anonymously" to different people I wanted to say things to, but didn't actually feel it necessary to tell directly. I was hoping that once I got it out there, I would be done looking back. So then why do I still feel like I want to go back to some of the old days with some of these people? Why is it that I still hold some false pretense of hope that things can change, even though I know it to be true that there is no going back? *sigh*

Well, I'll blog more later this week--please try and hold me accountable for this.

xoxo, vivian