We're in Europe! (Just kidding, it's just the University of Washington campus.)
I debated at the Becky Galentine Memorial tournament this last weekend at the University of Washington, and...won something. Again. (I know. It feels kind of weird.) It's only my second tournament of competition this year too, even though the season has been up and going for almost two months now.
But you all know that I only went this weekend for Yogurtland, right? No, I'm not kidding. That's literally the only reason why I went: I've been waiting for this for TEN MONTHS since I left Berkeley. And you know what? It was soooooo worth it. (And in case you were wondering, I got over one and a half pounds of the mango/strawberry swirl and cran-raspberry tart with fresh strawberries, fresh mangoes, mochi and red bean, which is almost ten dollars worth of yogurt. And then my friend gave me the rest of hers, which was a random assortment of different flavors (she has a hard time making decisions. She's also a bit of a compulsive shopper.) that didn't quite go well together...but it's FROZEN YOGURT. And what's better than that? Nothing.)
Okay, aside from the insane amount of fro-yo I ate in one sitting, I also had this AMAZING pizza at MOD Pizza (my new favorite!) and also went to Dick's, the Seattle version of In-N-Out. I think they're about the same--but I'm not much of a burger enthusiast, nor do I have an insane Californian passion for In-N-Out, so who am I to talk? Either way, it was a pretty great gastronomic weekend.
Oh, and the debate part was alright too I guess. We were 4-2 in prelims, broke to sort-of-semis, and purposefully dropped because my partner and I only came for the food/wanted to go home. Because even if we won that round, we would have to debate another, and without the incentive of a trophy (I'll get to what I actually got in a sec) or the motivation to actually try for an okay tournament, there was really no reason why we wanted to stay. See, last year, my ex-partner and I would've been thrilled at not going 3-3 (it was a bad season), but this year (for this tournament anyways), I literally could not care less. Debate's just a part of my life now, and even though I do admit that a part of me gets excited for it, another part just...isn't anymore.
Somewhere along the lines, I just stopped caring about debate the way I used to. There was a point where I was just so dedicated and into it, that I couldn't imagine my high school life without it (I know, it sounds so dramatic), but after going through a hellish season last year, even success at camp and success this year doesn't feel as good as it should feel. I guess I'm just over it.
And even though I'm in a better place now (that sounds like I'm dead and in heaven. Lemme try rewording that..."And even though I'm doing better now"), I still remember the days when I could barely name one person who believed in us/me. It's a little like a fat person who loses a lot of weight; even though I'm a "new and improved" version of myself, I still feel like the old me, the one that no one believed could ever amount to anything.
Isn't it a little case in point when not only one but TWO people who have been in the debate community for many years admit that they both thought I was pretty much useless in debate last year compared to this year? The first was from a former coach/judge I've had a number of times in the last two years, who, up until this point, judged rounds where I've done exceptionally bad in. But for the first time, he told me that I had improved immensely and that he liked my aff--the best compliment a 2A like me can get, especially because I cut it myself. Even so, the "I used to wonder what was going through this girl's head" comment stung.
Imagine though, having your own debate coach telling you that he didn't expect you to do well this year. That stung a lot more, because he plays favorites, and while I've been playing that game for years, I've always lost up until now. What kind of world is it when your own coach and team members expect you to suck, and when you finally don't suck as much as you used to, you get noticed?
To top that off, even though I won a speaker award and made it to the sort-of semifinals, all I got was a metal water bottle that keeps chipping and a "map of the known universe." Okay, the map is actually kind of cool, but it's not a trophy, and no one other than our trophy-loving coach is happy for us. (I know, aren't I part of a great and supportive team? All but one friend literally just up and left when my partner and I had to debate our semifinals round.)
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm already starting on my survival kit for my trip to Europa. Or maybe I should go somewhere outside of the Milky Way Galaxy? Andromeda sounds nice, right? Anywhere but here.
xoxo, vivian
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